Subject: headless statue
Adjectives: sunken, clipped, truncated, glossy, fractured, slender, stuck
Appositives:
cracked kiln remnants
Leftover of heat
Relic of dug earth
Three acts:
Ignore on the shelf
Huddle with Nike
Write a poem about it
Three memories:
My mother threw away the Nike
The head cracked off in my backpack
The toddler stole the head
Declarations of importance:
Illustrates how thin pieces of clay crack in the kiln
Links back to the vacation when my now gone aunt bought me the cheap Nike statue
Glossy, sunken. A relic of cracked heat and earth dug kilns. Passed over on the shelf, huddled along Nike’s wing-cast dominance and forward footed stride. Once, deep in a purse, the head snapped off between a romance novel and check book. Once, it tipped off of a cosmetics shelf and fractured her long neck on Nascar model. The toddler popped the truncated head into her mouth and sucked. The slender pieces always fall to the kiln’s heat.
Jenna,
ReplyDeleteI think this draft offers some descriptive details that intrigue, like "a relic of cracked heat and earth dug kilns" but there are several opportunities for much more detail, such as the name of the novel and what kind of cosmetics. I think "wing-cast dominance" is awesome but wonder if "forward footed stride" might not be redundant. There seems to be a story to tell about the statue but it's missing in this draft. I suggest you write about how you felt when your aunt gave it to you and why she gifted you with something "cheap" and incorporate some of the good adjectives from this first exercise.