Extra Credit - Week Nine - Peer Response to Emmanuel's "Free Entry, Week 12"

The Meat Skin Lady

After service lets out,
we go and pray for Miss Annette--
the lady who sells meat skins
next door to the church.
One dollar a bag makes the saints rejoice
at the smell of fried pork fat
with tasty seasoning on it.
You can get plain, barbeque, or salt-n-vinegar
to make your lips crisp.
I am not racist when I say
only white folks eat pork rinds
and chicharrones are for Mexicans.
Black people eat meat skins,
but you have to be careful
'cause some hair hair on them.
On the sofa, we hold hands,
speak in tongues, and sing hymns
right before leaving and getting
free bags of skins.
My house shall be called a house of prayer,
but ye have made it a den of thieves.

At first, I thought the opening was great. It drew me in. But Tim may be right. You definitely need more explanation of the meat skins, so why not begin there?  And I say keep the racist line.

Something like:

Only white people at pork rinds.

(Explanation of pork rinds).

So I’m not racist when I say black people eat meat skins:

(explanation of meat skins, and how they’re obviously different than pork rinds).

My mama always told me to be careful of the hair.

She schooled me on the seasoning.

^That’s obviously horribly rough, but you get the point.^

What you have right now is a little odd, really. They go and pray for her *after* service. And yet the speaker knows all about her. So, is that the point? You could do a cool juxtaposition of the image of praying with begging for these meat skins, on their knees with their hands clasped. They talk about her badly at church but they all go over there.

And, as we’ve said before: watch for baggy sentences. “Right before leaving and getting free bags of skins” jumps to mind.