Another try at the callisthenic we did last week, with the repetition. I pulled my initial line from the fairly awesome, poetic book by Paul Beatty called The White Boy Shuffle
I dreamed I was a flying, fire-breathing foam stegosaurus starring in a schlock Japanese film called Destroy All Negroes. Flying beside the gilded grandmother, who kept rack on racks, I dreamt of a foam Japanese man. Japanese men cracked at the screw of opportunity. The stegosaurus roared at the mop on fire, gilded to the Negro by liquid foam. Fall back in to the cracked flight of a breaching stegosaurus. I strummed my pocket watch and stood beneath the firefly’s lighted breath. I dreamt I was a flying, fire-breathing foam stegosaurus screwing mops of liquid flight into racks of Japanese films that destroy grandmothers. Destroyed by liquid lips on the wracked and wrecked breath of Negro Japanese film stars, the stegosaurus pocketed the foam man’s breach of contract. Beneath the strumming fireflies I film the cracking light, the fire-breath of a watching Negro Stegosaurus. I dreamed I was a flying, fire-breathing stegosaurus strumming a pocket watch that stood in a schlock Japanese film beneath the fireflies called Destroy all Negroes With Your Lighted and Tickled Breath.
"I dreamt I was a flying, fire-breathing foam stegosaurus screwing mops of liquid flight into racks of Japanese films that destroy grandmothers." I have no idea how this particular line was created but it was by far the line that I liked the most. I believe it's because it is so very unlikely to pair those things together and that makes it extremely interesting. The line that was chosen for the recursive method is one of full language to big with. Kudos to you for choosing that one. However, all of that heavy language together seems like too much, but the format that it's in right now may has some play in that. I believe the purpose of the recursive exercise was inform us of another way to generate ideas and language, and eventually drafts. If this were my project I would take back what I deem to be most interesting and re-write. Oh, and I would use the line I shared above. (:
ReplyDeleteThat's a great found line to work with! I'm going to have to read that book. I think you did a good job with the repetition here. Although you're repeating what you've already said, you always bring something new to the phrase, whether it's new combinations of words you've already used or introducing a new idea. Some things to think about: I can't believe you did a prose poem since I know you hate them, but I applaud the willingness to do it. In the first sentence, you use "I dreamed," but in the second sentence, when you start your improv, you used the word "dreamt." I would go ahead and make that one "dreamed" as well for continuity's sake. One phrase I'm not sure about is "I strummed my pocket watch." I'm not sure quite how this would work (because a flying foam stegosaurus is totally believable), and I'm also not sure how later the fireflies would do it. Now that I think about it, it's not that it doesn't happen, but that I don't know what you mean here well enough to picture it like I can a foam dinosaur. I hope that made sense. If not you can ask me in class and I'll try to explain better. Great work though!
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