Free entry 1 week 3 -Kamau
They turn, twist, lift and flip, these situations.
Darker than the room of a child,
frigthened of the very things.
A heigtened sense of darkness it is,
When they move, when they talk, with motives unguarded.
If he listens close enough he'll hear.
"Are we willing and able to live with the trials"
"Are we prepared for whats to come"
As they spoke and he listened he heard the truths,
of what was, what isn't, and things to be,
On the otherside however, the souls did the same
in attempts to understand, the darkness of the world,
to answer the questions of inquiring minds.
No light in the darkness, just those who listen.
Hoping and praying there on the right side.
Unfortunately, I start out a little uneasy right at the opening line-- Are "the situations" the "they," or is it a misplaced comma and the "They" are flipping, lifting, twisting, and turning "these situations?"
The next two lines leave a similar sort of ambiguity-- frightened of what very things?
Sheila's spot on with her call for specificity, I think. Lightness and darkness is a very heft subject to try to wrangle; partially because they are broad, shapeless notions; partially because of how much accompanies the words--yes, we frequently choose our language based on the connotation (what we get for "free," as Dr. Davidson says), but in this case, "light" and "dark" are such abstract notions and so historically cliched in terms of meaning for "good" and "bad," that it's just too...much, maybe? That's not to say it isn't possible, by any means, but all of us probably need to stay in the realm of practice for now. Why not try your idea for this piece as an improv off of another writer (thus getting another blog post in, too!), or with Dr. Davidson's suggestion of grounding it in a very particular setting right away? I recognize that not all poems need to begin with some narrative-like setting, but you can always dispose of it later after it does its job of focusing your piece.
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