Week One - Response to MacKenzie's Improv 1 Week 1

Something is up with my Blogger account and it won't let me post comments right now. As soon as I figure out how to remedy that, I'll post my comments on the appropriate blogs. For now, however, this is my response to MacKenzie's Improv 1 Week 1, which also reference's LaRue's comment to it:

As I said in class, the original piece--while I can respect it’s sounds and technique--is not one of my favorites. It’s not the subject matter or the talent, it’s just prose poetry in general--I don’t understand their function. Despite that, Davis’s manipulation of sound is pretty fantastic and I think you’ve done an admirable job of mimicking that. I don’t think it’s necessarily a problem that you stuck closely to her original format because this is a initial piece and, if you decided to do more with it, you could obviously break free of her form whenever you choose to. You didn’t stay so close that it’s a rip off because you have really magnificent lines in there: “all running up on each other unsexy,” “but that's only if you're reading it in its elvish form,” “janky syllable clack.”

As far as the ending goes, I think LaRue's comment that it works "too" well is a fairly decent diagnosis (too strong a word? Hmm.). I love it, but I think I love it because it’s so much more compact than the ending of Davis’s, which I’m not especially fond of because I feel like it’s fairly abrupt. However, maybe that abruptness is necessary in a poem (it hurts me to use that term for this kind of writing!) like this because it mimics the ongoing, ever-evolving nature of the phrase you’re manipulating? Does that make sense?
As far as small, nitpicky details:

“Financial accounting has the kind of letters a hoarder would keep, all running up on each other unsexy and angry” --That’s so great, a really apt description. “Unsexy” is so perfect and unexpected and it really works well for me because I think that sound of the word “unsexy” is as bulky as “financial accounting.” But, because I love unsexy so much, “angry” falls a bit short for me.

In the phonetic representation of “financial accounting,” would you prefer it very formal, or more conversational? I think the first word (Fy-nan-chull) is spot-on for conversation, but do you realistically pronounce accounting “ack-kown-teeng”? Maybe more Uh-kown-ting? Granted, your transcription of it LOOKS better, but isn’t a poem such as this all about sound?